After spending quite a bit of time trying to get a headless XBMC server set up i finally succeeded, I am using ESXi with Xpenology, PfSense and Ubuntu. So here is a guide on getting XBMC running headless, Enjoy.
sudo apt-get install python-software-properties
sudo add-apt-repository ppa:team-xbmc/unstable
sudo add-apt-repository ppa:team-xbmc/xbmc-ppa-build-depends
sudo apt-get update
sudo apt-get build-dep xbmc
sudo apt-get install libtag1-dev
git clone git://github.com/xbmc/xbmc.git
cd xbmc
git checkout 13.0-Gotham
wget https://gist.github.com/docmeth02/bcd237...rver.patch
git checkout -b local
git apply xbmc-server.patch
./bootstrap
./configure --enable-shared-lib --disable-debug --disable-vdpau --disable-vaapi --disable-crystalhd --disable-vtbdecoder --disable-vtbdecoder --disable-openmax --disable-joystick --disable-xrandr --disable-rsxs --disable-projectm --disable-rtmp --disable-airplay --disable-airtunes --disable-dvdcss --disable-optical-drive --disable-libbluray --disable-libusb --disable-libcec --disable-libmp3lame --disable-libcap --disable-pulse --disable-alsa
make -jX
make install
cp libxbmc.so /lib/libxbmc.so
ldconfig
cd xbmc
make -f make_xbmc-server all
make -f make_xbmcVideoLibraryScan all
sudo cp xbmc-server /usr/local/lib/xbmc/xbmc-server.bin
sudo cp xbmcVideoLibraryScan /usr/local/lib/xbmc/
cd /etc/init.d
sudo wget http://cyanlabs.net/uploads/xbmc
sudo nano xbmc
sudo chmod 744 xbmc
sudo update-rc.d xbmc defaults
sudo service xbmc start
sudo service xbmc stop
~/.xbmc/userdata/guisettings.xml
)cd ~/.xbmc/userdata/
sudo rm -rf
~/.xbmc/userdata/
guisettings.xml
sudo wget http://cyanlabs.net/uploads/guisettings.xml
sudo nano ~/.xbmc/userdata/advancedsettings.xml
sudo service xbmc-server start
sudo tail -f ~/.xbmc/temp/xbmc.log